If you struggle to meet people romantically, it might be because you don’t play your role In traditional courtship, the roles are: • The woman signals availability through the way she holds herself • The man responds by approaching Gender norms have opened, so now anyone can play either role in rooms where ppl are more alternative There’s also the third gender-fluid option where both people do availability and approach, like when you gradually find your way closer to one another on a dance floor, responding to one another’s subtle cues It’s obvious how to play the approach role. The basics are that you just go up to someone and say hey The availability role is more subtle. We often talk about external signs of availability: dressing in ways that say “come flirt with me,” flirty body language, etc. However, really availability is more of an internal stance. It’s a vibe that says “If you think you’re a match, come talk to me” For instance, I know gorgeous women who dress beautifully that no one ever approaches because they put out the vibe of unavailability with their entire being The ppl who have the least success in courtship seem to be playing no role at all: neither available, nor approach, nor availability-approach