France lost Africa. Germany lost its mind. So they invented the EU to pretend they’re still in charge. Paris needed a stage. Berlin needed a leash. The EU gave them both — a theatre of diplomacy where nothing real happens, but everyone applauds the script. France couldn’t hold on to its empire, so it rebranded dominance as "values." Germany couldn’t trust itself with power, so it outsourced it to process. And together, they built an institution where guilt passes for vision and weakness passes for virtue. The result? A union where no one commands, everyone regulates, and real power flows elsewhere — to Washington, to Beijing, to anyone willing to act instead of vote. The EU is not Europe's future. It’s the cover story for its retreat.